Tes Potter and the Meddling Old Man
by Lucillia
Summary: A few hours can be the difference between the funny story about how your mother went into labor while shopping for biscuits and "Cleanup on aisle 7". A few hours can also lead to a different name and a different life as a result. Unfortunately for Tes, there's a prophesy he has to fulfill before he can live as he wants to well away from any lunatic wizards.


It had all started when Lily had had a craving for biscuits and James kept coming back with the wrong kind. Actually, it had all started when Lily had gone into labor a few hours early and took a pain relieving potion in order to deal with the 12th "False Alarm" she'd had that month. After shouting at James for the fifth time that morning, Lily demanded that her husband bring her to the local Tesco so she could get the plain ordinary Muggle biscuits she'd wanted, not the Wizarding kind that sang and danced and dunked themselves in your tea. Having gone into labor hours earlier and not felt it due to the rather effective pain relieving potion, Lily was understandably surprised when her water broke and her child demanded to be allowed into the world right there and then in the middle of the biscuit aisle of the local Tescos.

Things probably would've been different if he'd been born a few hours later and named Harry like he had supposed to have been and would've been had Lily merely gone into labor in the biscuit aisle like she was supposed to. As it was, Tes Potter absolutely despised his parents and anything associated with them. The reason for this was because Tes Potter's full name was Tesco James Potter, so named because he'd been born in the biscuit aisle of a Tesco. James Potter's excuse for this travesty was that he was a wizard. Lily Evans Potter's excuse of being young enough to find it funny was less valid however seeing as she'd been raised in Muggle society and therefore should've known better.

As it was, when Voldemort had targeted the boy due to a prophecy that had been made by a drunken Seer everyone usually ignored - which was more the pity because she was pretty damned accurate when she wasn't trying to predict someone's death - the Dark Lord who had also been raised in Muggle society had considered killing Tesco Potter to be an act of mercy.

When Vernon and Petunia Dursley had found their unwanted nephew on their doorstep one cold November morning, they had considered the boy's name to be punishment enough and made sure the kid knew who deserved to be blamed for it. Sure, Tesco did more chores - far more chores - than the Dursleys' whale of a son and didn't have any friends, but he got a bedroom upstairs, three smallish meals a day, and the reason he didn't have any friends wasn't because Dudley chased them off, but because nobody he knew wanted to be friends with someone named "Tesco".

When a certain letter arrived for Tes when he was about to turn eleven, rather than taking it from him and telling him it had been misaddressed and therefore piquing his curiosity, his aunt and uncle told him it was from his parents' old school. Upon hearing this, the boy gleefully assisted in the destruction of the letter and all the others that followed. Tes continued destroying the letters that started arriving in the hundreds right until the giant showed up. (Technically he was a half-giant, but by Muggle standards he may as well have been full). When the giant made the mistake of mentioning his parents, the word "great" and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the same sentence, it firmed up Tes's resolve and his decision not to go, much to the glee of the Dursleys who hadn't had to raise a hand to the boy because his parents had done the work for them on the day the unfortunate child was born.

Unfortunately for Tes and his plans for a life in which he grew up to be a normal human being with friends and changed his name the minute he was legally allowed to do so, there was a prophesy and an old man who would stop at nothing to see it fulfilled since the consequences for not doing so were potentially world ending. Wizarding world ending at the very least for sure...


End file.
